One of my colleagues made a statement about marriage therapy
I believe is important to pass along. She said, “I think people need to work on
themselves first and clear up their individual issues before the couple
counseling can be effective.” As I thought about this, it is true in all
relationships and not just in marriages. In a friendship or in a work
relationship, if we have personal issues centered around poor self-esteem,
controlling others, poor boundaries, etc. it effects the relationship.
Steven Covey in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People” outlines the 7 habits in working first on taking care of the inside of
ourselves and then dealing with the outside or public. I would like to reference
these habits for those who have not read the book, as a reminder of the
importance of dealing with yourself first and the steps in doing so.
The first three habits:
(1) Be Proactive
(2) Begin with and
End in Mind
(3) Put First things First
All deal with our ability to govern our life. Being
proactive means taking responsibility for your life and thinking before you
act. Beginning with the end in mind means defining your goals and your mission
in life so your direction in life is clear. Putting first things first means to
prioritize and do the most important things first so that your life doesn’t
become cluttered.
The next 4 habits are centered on being able to interact
effectively with others. Habit (4) is about thinking or working for a win-win.
It is an attitude of mutual respect for the opinion of others as well as your
own. Habit (5) is seek first to understand and then to be understood. All have
a unique insight and we need to listen with intent to understand rather than to
reply. Habit (6) is to synergize. When
we work together with an attitude of success for all we will achieve more.
Finally habit (7) is sharpening the saw. Sharpening the saw is about taking
care of you and renewing yourself physically, socially/emotionally, mentally
and spiritually.
I would love to hear ways you take care of yourself first so
you can in turn have healthy relationships with others. Email me at pca@infowest.com with questions or comments.
Clinical Psychologist