ACCEPT OUR DECISIONS

A woman I was talking with the other day was berating herself on what a terrible parent she was because she couldn’t always control her children or the house wasn’t always clean, etc. When I investigated further about her children, I found they were straight "A" students in school, they seemed to have friends, were attending church and were basically really “good” children. She felt like every day was a struggle with her children. In her case, it was, since she has three children that have been diagnosed with Asperger and ADHD.

Her struggle was with her self-esteem and her decisions never seemed to be good enough. Every day each of us will struggle with the decisions of that day and make the best decisions we can, that day, based on what we know at that time. Tomorrow, next week or next year we may look back and say, “Wow, what was I thinking when I did that!” Tomorrow or next week you will have more information and more experience about the situation and therefore your decisions at that time will be different because of the additional information and experience. We need to learn to accept our decisions we make at any given time and move on knowing we did the best we could at that time.

Richard Y Moody, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

HELPING OURSELVES FIRST

One of my colleagues made a statement about marriage therapy I believe is important to pass along. She said, “I think people need to work on themselves first and clear up their individual issues before the couple counseling can be effective.” As I thought about this, it is true in all relationships and not just in marriages. In a friendship or in a work relationship, if we have personal issues centered around poor self-esteem, controlling others, poor boundaries, etc. it effects the relationship.

Steven Covey in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” outlines the 7 habits in working first on taking care of the inside of ourselves and then dealing with the outside or public. I would like to reference these habits for those who have not read the book, as a reminder of the importance of dealing with yourself first and the steps in doing so.

The first three habits:

(1) Be Proactive

(2) Begin with and End in Mind 

(3) Put First things First

All deal with our ability to govern our life. Being proactive means taking responsibility for your life and thinking before you act. Beginning with the end in mind means defining your goals and your mission in life so your direction in life is clear. Putting first things first means to prioritize and do the most important things first so that your life doesn’t become cluttered.

The next 4 habits are centered on being able to interact effectively with others. Habit (4) is about thinking or working for a win-win. It is an attitude of mutual respect for the opinion of others as well as your own. Habit (5) is seek first to understand and then to be understood. All have a unique insight and we need to listen with intent to understand rather than to reply.  Habit (6) is to synergize. When we work together with an attitude of success for all we will achieve more. Finally habit (7) is sharpening the saw. Sharpening the saw is about taking care of you and renewing yourself physically, socially/emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I would love to hear ways you take care of yourself first so you can in turn have healthy relationships with others.  Email me at pca@infowest.com with questions or comments.

Richard Y Moody, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

TurningLeaf Wellness Center